First up, Shela Jackson Lee is in her normal SOTU seat, right on the center isle, where she can glad hand the Pres. Rumor has it she parked her ass there for 12 hours before the last SOTU address so she could hold that seat. We have now confirmed that she never actually left that spot, and has been there since last year. A fine expenditure of tax payer money.
The Pres starts the speech off by giving props to John Boehner. Boehner bursts out in tears.
NPR mentioned that some big shot CEOs would be in attendance. Xeorox's Ursula Burns is not only there, she's black and she's a woman. Just goes to show how "with it" corporate America is these days. Watch out, white oppressors!
"We're the nation that put computers in homes and cars in driveways," and herpes in undergrads.
He just made reference to the "seeds" that started the internet. Apparently, he, like Ted "the internet is a series of tubes" Stevens, does not yet understand the intergooglings. He should so hire us as his IT consultants. We know have email and know how to blogspot. Score.
Stop giving money to oil companies!? What!? What will happen to our $32/mo gas royalties in the Barnett Shale!?
BTW, HRC looks stunning in her royal blue pantsuit (by Cache). Call us!
John Kerry and John McCain are sitting next to each other. Immediately after the speech, they're going to engage in hand-to-hand, special forces mortal combat. Despite he age of 132, we predict McCain will score a spine-removing fatality on Kerry.
Boehner give no applause for high-speed rail or internet. He hates technology and trains. What kind of god-fearing, red-blooded, American man hates trains? He's clearly a communist.
Texas home town hero Ron Kirk is getting some face time. We are told Obama is going to appoint him as Kay Bay's Senate successor at the end of the speech. Awesome.
Boner and Biden think it's absolutely hilarious that the healthcare reform law is divisive and controversial. Don't we all? We're glad the Pres is railing on scumbag insurance companies who refused to cover new patients for pre-existing conditions. He thinks we should fix what else needs fixing. Well great. Can we start with the $400/mo COBRA premiums for those of us who just lost our jobs? $400 a month. HI-larious, indeed.
Our fingers are getting tired, and we're missing out on thoughtful reflection on the Pres's comments because we have to explain everything to y'all. Good grief, can't y'all do anything on your own? We're signing off until (a) the end of the speech, or (b) something crazy happens... Like a Boner-Biden loveatron.
OK, we lied. We can't stand it, and we're back.
We can't afford continued tax breaks for the wealthiest Americans? Um.... Mr. President, didn't you just sign a bill that extended them for 2 more years?
Smoked salmon humor. Raise your hand if you don't love it, fascists.
Biden's maniacal laughter is unsettling at this point. He also thinks it's hilarious to think that the President would actually veto a bill merely because it has earmarks.... Wait, we think this is hilarious, too! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHAHAHHAHA hAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! OOPOOHHHH MAN! We needed that.
The Iraq War is coming to an end, but no members of Congress think this is worth standing for. Meh. We didn't stand either.
He's giving Boner props again -- watch out for the water works!!!!
"We do big things." Like $14 trillion in national debt.
Well, we think we can all agree that was a relatively tame SOTU (despite Brian Williams's reassurance that we haven't seen anything like it). Yes, Ds sat next to Rs, and vice versa, but that only happened b/c Republicans didn't want to seat next to McCain -- he's too conciliatory for their tastes -- and no one wanted to sit next to Liberman -- jowls too droopy.
Ultimately, though, we're just happy to hear two thoughtful, coherent SOTU addresses in a row. Their wasn't a single reference to "'Am'rca" or 9/11. We think that's something we can all be proud of.
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